Wednesday, October 15, 2008

50 things that makes me laugh

68) The fact that this starts at 68 when its obviously titled "50 things...".
67) The possibility that you are going to read this all the way through.
66) Someone who has become so scared of the outside world that they have the deer in the headlights look... always.
65) The Not Vatican.
64) The idea of neo-hippies. (Where are the massive marches against capitalism?)
63) Commies – human greed not accounted for.
62) When someone's day is ruined because they didn't get their Starbucks in a timely manner.
61) When someone's day is ruined because they didn't get their (unnecessary and mundane object) in a timely manner.
60) Irrational thought and behavior.
59) Overly rational thought and behavior.
58) Capitalism – based on human greed.
57) Squirrels kissing.
56) The bird scattering machines on top of the Subway near Starbucks (they work wonders).
55) People who always think that they're always right.
54) People who can't admit that they're wrong. (there is a slight difference between the two – challenge me on that I dare you, you know I'm right)
53) Sarcasm.
52) The idea of cows dancing in tube tops and eye-patches that are embroidered with the Confederate flag.
51) My friends
50) Drinking beer at 4:30 am after waking up.
49) Running in the pouring rain.
48) People who don't like to drive.
47) Gossip.
46) Mung.
45) Jokes gone bad.
44) Our society's self destruction.
43) People who think their opinion matters in the broad spectrum. (Yes I realize that this one is targeting me too, although it's really aimed at the Mainstream News Media participants [anchors, CEOs, advertisers etc.])
42) People who can't accept their own foibles.
41) Bushisms
40) The word 'foible'.
39) Hishammuddin Rais piece of writings.
38) The average Malaysian (technically) has a low IQ.
37) The end of the world is probably very near.
36) Having a beer with lunch and/or breakfast.
35) "Honest politicians" (Who are you kidding? Oh.. yeah)
34) People who think that there are honest politicians (Obama - please restore my faith)
33) Religious extremists that kill people because of their beliefs (Islamic terrorist are to Islam as the KKK is to Christianity as the Crusades are to Christianity as the current Indian government is to Hinduism as the Mormon high priests [or whatever their title is] are to Mormonism as Tom Cruise will be to Scientology as the Spanish Inquisition is to Christianity as Dr. Zeus is to the future)
32) People who kill for beliefs, secular or otherwise.
31) The American Dream – basically being able to not give a shit about anything outside of your own little world.
30) The thought of Carrot Top being mutilated by a bear wearing a tu-tu.
29) Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez.
28) The fact that Bush got elected twice. (Even though the first election was bullshit)
27) The electoral college still exists.
26) People who think that titles make them superhuman.
25) Scientists are trying to make a black hole appear in a super collider below Long Island. If successful, it could destroy the entire planet in a matter of time expressed in the following equation:
( X < 3billion years ) X= this the amount of time it would take for total planetary destruction. "<" signifies ANY number less than or equal to the numerical figure following.
24) My dream on having a clay owl that when you blow on its asshole it hoots.
23) American congress thinks that they can stop the president from sending more troops over to ..:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />Iraq. They gave up their right and ability to do that in 2001-02.
22) Steven Colbert at the press dinner. "We're not rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic, this administration isn't sinking, it's soaring! It's more like we're rearranging the deck chairs on the Hindenburg!"
21) The idea that president is a powerful office. (this can be taken either at face value or as an example of example 23)
20) The news media's total corruption.
19) A casual streaker.
18) John Stewart on Crossfire...:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

17) My friend birthday party [he's 25 just so u know].
16) You never know:
---------1)...who's looking at you in any given spot.
---------2)...who's thinking of you at any given time. This includes while:
------------------5)Fornicating (funny word)
------------------8)Watching a movie
------------------9)Just before getting in a car wreck
------------------10)Running a red light
------------------11)Getting a car wash
------------------13)Masturbating (I can't stress this one enough so lets do again)
------------------14)MASTURBATING (And once more)
------------------15)MAST-UR-BAT-ING (This may include gyration, slapping, punching, choking, knives, swords, battle axes, quarter staffs, dragons (angry and otherwise), apocalyptic demons, airplanes, crucifixion, teddy bears, real bears, cyborg bears, Radiohead, Micheal Jackson, the girl from the OC, guns (both real and HALO), chimney sweeps, musical numbers, cunt kicking, squirrels, old people, your boyfriend/girlfriend, Depends®, poo flinging, golden showers, dirty sanchezes, jelly donuts, Bavarian cream filled donuts, old fashioned donuts and/or mung.)
------------------16)Giving birth
------------------17)Playing with Legos®
------------------AND MANY MORE
---------3)...who's killing in your name
---------4)...who's looking at your on-line profile
---------5)...who's turned on by your profile
---------6)...who wants to tell you something but they're too
---------7)...who feels bad for something they did to you, whether you were hurt by it or not.
---------8)...everything, or anything anywhere a fraction of what could possibly be considered close to.
---------AND MANY MORE!
15) Flatulence.
14) Pride.
13) Pride in one's flatulence.
12) The word Fornicate.
11) Punctuation Jokes.
10) The combination of the words 'anal' and 'fornication'.
9) The further combination of the words 'flatulent', 'anal' and 'fornication'.
8) People making a big deal out of something that's really not. (example: The "LED Bombs" that terrorized Boston)
7) When people think that abortion is a serious political topic and not a distraction from more immediate issues. If we all set aside our personal beliefs and differences, we could make this world a peaceful place to live. People, however, insist on attaching themselves to property, power and possessions in such a way that we will kill each other for the control of these things. I'm not quite expressing this idea correctly. Basically, if as a human race, we worked together to say... bring fresh water to people who drink diseased water, we could easily eliminate water caused illnesses. If, as a human race, we implemented energy saving and alternative energy sources, that are renewable, we could be self sufficient, away from nature AND not cause anymore damage to nature. Maybe you don't agree with my examples, but hopefully you understand the idea behind them. If we stop hating and extend love to everything on this earth, we can accomplish great things. The fact that we ignore this is what makes me laugh.
6) Hippie talk. (See previous point)
5) People maliciously destroy the creations of something they can neither prove nor disprove in the name of that which they can neither prove nor disprove. I especially laugh at this when they, the people destroying, believe that that which they can neither prove nor disprove preaches peace and respect of all the creations of that which can be neither proved nor disproved, which, by the way, is always. (When I refer to the proving or disproving of that which can neither be proved nor disproved, I mean to imply the phrase "to others or that which is being destroyed" after the phrase "that which can neither be proved nor disproved" or a reasonable derivative of.)
4) The redundancy of this list.
3) That you have almost read this all the way through.
2) The redundancy of this list.
1) The idea of someone who lives (as a patient) in a hospice home pleasuring themselves to the thought of you naked. Yes, I do mean masturbating. Old people masturbating to the thought of you... naked... dancing like an over sized hobbit... a gay one... gay = happy and/or homosexual. Picture that, bitch.


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